Sunday, March 27, 2011

10 NIGHTMARISH PEOPLE OF MY LIFE:

Fortunately I used to be a very sound sleeper from my childhood (for which I’m often scolded like anything during exam times) until a few persons infiltrated into my peaceful life and trampled all serenity of night. Even if I don’t meet them for months still on my bad nights they never miss the chance to give me a goose bump in sleep.

This article is dedicated to them and through this I want to tell them to spare my sleepless nights for God’s sake.

1. Marriage-Obsessed Neighborhood Aunty: I had never thought that just by staying in neighbor, anyone could get into trance of my dream. I can’t ever forget the moment when our neighborhood aunty had showed up with a box full of sweets and chagrined me and my mom by offering her son’s marriage proposal saying that her son is mad for me. I was totally paranoid and my mom was both astound and frightened with her over-friendly gesture. Obviously she had to go bitterly disappointed (how could I marry her son who wears orangey shirts with Hannah Montana on it and blowing farting attitude before girls in college) but still I dream that she is planning to ambush me and forcefully make her daughter-in-law.

2. Her Ogling Son: Her son charts to the second place of my list. Marriage!!! Love!!!! How can a girl actually like a half clown and half insane. And his fashion sense…I can’t even image in my worst day to dress up like that. A red floral shirt with matching tight embroidered jeans comes under his formal wearing and that he used to wear to flatter me with a misconception that I love ‘red’. God knows who that informer is. From a friend I came to know that he has spent thousand bucks to get the information about me. That informer must be too cunning who looted this dork for some info about me. The scariest dream about him was that we are married and are going for honeymoon to some lost island. There he is wearing a yellow suit while I’m draped in a dark violet sari with big yellow and orange sunflowers all over it and he dragging me to somewhere with a big sinister smile paired with his thin moustache. Oh Gosh! I’ll definitely prefer to join any abbey rather than to marry such a prat.

3. My college principle: I’m sorry but somehow I need to get this resentment out before that I burst out in anger. He may suspend me after reading it or put me into detention but sorry my dear princi( his nickname), it’s my blog page not your college campus and be obliged to God that I’m not mentioning your name here .I know your address and phone no. too.

I just hate him. It’s like his blunt face keeps swirling around my mind whenever we do bunk classes. The way he yells at us without any reason, has actually made him into this horrible chart. I really hate to see his bald head with a giant face and a mouth like kitchen always shouting at us in my sweet dreams. And I hate it more when you spit at us talking.

4. All my brainy math teacher: I don’t have any personal strife with my math teachers to be settled down and it’s not like I hate them personally. There are some good math teachers with whom I’m still in touch. But it’s something because of the subject. I’m never so good at math and there were a few malevolent teachers who have mortified me a lot before whole class. The thing is that I drowse in math classes and for that I’m humiliated for many times. It’s not their fault actually. Sometimes I do dream of standing up on the bench hanging head down and the whole class is laughing at me. Please try to understand that there exist some dyscalculia patients too.

5. My family doctor: It’s not like I’m tamed of those syringes and injection needles. But I hate those green and orange vitamin capsule stripes. Every time I visit him, he scribbles something nonsense on a white pad with his name and address embossed on its left corner. I feel sorry for the dispensary people who have to decipher those ruined and bruised letters every time. And then I do have to gulp all those bitter sticky capsules. I really hate those syrups and those Dracula eyes of my doc peering through thin gold framed glasses and x-raying me. Sometimes I do dream that I’m bound to my bed with coarse ropes and he pouring a big bottle of red syrup that both taste and smell yuck.

6. My ex-boyfriend: Although it’s been a year that I’ve broken up from the relation and now I’m too happy, settled and satisfied with my life still somewhere deep inside my mind and heart his memories are stashed . Usually whenever I do sleep after watching any movies about treachery in love and relationship, I dream about him. And that moment I woke up, frantic with a terror and torment. All those repulsive memories with him start spreading like a venom searing fire into my skin.

7. Insane street beggars: Actually my granny is accredited for it. I used to be a naughty, wicked and stubborn child and to make me comply her words she used to tell me about the beardy beggars carrying very dirty torn sacks over their shoulder .She used to tell that they do kidnap wayward children in that bag and carry them to a dungeon where neither T.V nor food is allowed (she knew that both T.V and food are my weaknesses). Still now the fear is dwelling somewhere in my mind and I always leave and turn back from the way if I find an insane beggar with a bag.

8. Greasy uncles: Uncles are really lucky. They can do many things that many teenage young boys starve for. Like giving a bear hug to friend’s beautiful daughter till her face is smacked on his pot belly. Unnecessarily sticking to her butt with an excuse of asking them about their well beings. In fact I also have some those kind of greasy uncles more than whom I would prefer to hug a vampire ( at least vampire uncles are charming and sleek). The worst nightmare about them was that I’m stuck in a century old bungalow with ten to fifteen greasy uncles.

9. Rumor mongrels of my class: They are another prime reason for whom I missed my several classes in the beginning of college days and had to miss sleep too. Though now I’ve learnt to both ignore and answer back in their tongue. Thanks to them, I’ve got along with lots of boys who are my good friends now with whom they used to pair me. So just a few words for them –“just keep f**king you b#$@%hes. Even my s%&t doesn’t care it. :P”

10. Whooping relatives: “atithi deva bhava”- this is what we are taught at home. In our culture, we are ought to consider guests as our God. WTF ! I can only dream my relatives as fatty monsters with big horns and a big thorny tail with whom they are tormenting us physically and mentally always asking weird question at unearthly hour. Last but not least they are something always dispensable .

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